Take a Second Look

I have grown so much in my relationship with the Lord over the past year and half. I’ve come to know Him in ways I didn’t know possible and have truly begun to see Him more fully then ever before. With this knowledge and understanding comes such revelation on who I am. I believe as we behold the Face of our maker, we can’t help but see ourselves how He truly designed us to be.

For so long, I saw myself as the world saw me. I say that loosely because I never asked the people around me how they saw me. Instead, in my mind, I analyzed my family, friends, and strangers and made conclusions on what their opinions of me were. I based my identity and how I viewed myself solely of an assumption of what I thought people thought of me. I LITERALLY believed I was this ‘person’ to the world.  A person that I created I was in my own mind.

I hope this is making sense to some of you reading this because I believe you need to hear it.

Most people don’t know this about me but I analyze everything. I mean everything. I get home from a day full of meetings or an event and I can spend a few hours in silence just replaying every single conversation from that day. I have audible recall, which means I can verbatim recite almost every conversation from that day, and some from years ago. In my mind the scene plays just like a movie, and I sit and re-watch what happened. I would replay things in my mind and completely misinterpret what actually happened. At the time I saw it as truth, but looking back and replaying those same scenarios now, it was actually a lie because I had this false view of who I was.

I spent so much of my life and time trying to impress and be someone for these people around me. I wanted a guy to tell me I was pretty. I wanted that girl to be my friend. I wanted others to simply know who I was and respect me. I wanted so much and it was always, ALWAYS about what I could get from the people around me. If they didn’t treat me right, which in my mind was never, then I would complain and push everyone away. Because no one understood me, no one saw me for me, no one really knew me.

That statement was both true and false. No one knew me, but it wasn’t because people didn’t want to, it was because I didn’t even know who I was, so how could someone else?

I can’t pinpoint where things shifted for me, but I simply began to ask the Lord how He saw me. What He saw in me, what He says of me, and most of all, how He loves me.  Overtime I began to see myself differently. I lingered longer in the mirror and liked what I saw. I found that I was able to receive compliments from friends. I began to realize that things like my imagination weren’t a bad thing but in fact a gift from the Lord.

But most of all, I found that when I told people how I saw them, that they in turn would always tell me how they saw me. And 100% of the time, it was never as that person I had created in my mind. 

My prayer for you is that you take some time to stop thinking about how people view you, and start asking your creator how He sees you and how He made you. Don't let the enemy's lies control your thoughts anymore. 'You can't control a bird flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest in your hair.' Most of all, my prayer is that you begin to see yourself the way God made you and through that lense, you begin to see the whole world in a new way. 

"Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."- Psalm 34:5

photography by Alexa Ray Studio