This past year has quite literally felt as though I’m on a rollercoaster. That feeling of being completely out of control, strapped in and on the ride of life, in so deep in that I can’t turn back now. At times feeling like I'm on this downhill decent and just holding my breath for that first curve after the big drop. And just as things seem ok, all of the sudden there’s a sharp turn that jerks me and forces me to re-adjust. Or a flip that turns me upside down for a loop, causing me to be more prepared for the next one. But most of all, laughing and smiling so big for the entire ride wishing it would never end. And with every passing day, I wake feeling like, life is passing by in a flash, and I've got to make the most of every moment.
As I began to look back on this year and ask myself what was so different about this year than any other, despite the obvious professional changes in my career, it came down to one factor:
I used to be ashamed to admit it, but the first 25 years of my life were all about control for me. Controlling my time-line for my life, my career path, and my future. If I could maintain control and stay on track, things would be great. I didn't even realized that it was about control for me until I looked back. But I can pinpoint the moment where things changed.
It was the day, I made a decision to truly submit my life and plans to the Lord. You see I always imagined myself married with a stable career at 25, changing the world as a girl boss. I was on track in my career making great money and established in a career where I could see myself growing. I was not married, not even close, but told myself that soon that would inevitably happen. Yet as all of these check marks were crossed off my list with the exception of husband, I still felt so empty and unfulfilled.
It was January of 2014, a seemingly normal day at work. I was typing away, likely doing some research to try and fill a job, and that's when I heard the Lord speak. It had been so long since I'd felt that voice & presence of the Lord that I remember my hands stopping on the keyboard immediately.
'Do you trust me?' 'Of Course I trust you Lord' 'Quit your job and follow me.'
It was in that moment, where I chose to give up control fully. To say yes to Him, the hardest Yes I've ever given Him, but one that has made me experience this Jesus that the Bible talks about.
I've watched God over and over again, call me to cast my nets out and trust Him when it doesn't make sense. I've seen him become my provider, sustainer, rock, and biggest fan. My life today is more exciting than a roller coaster because it doesn't end after 60 seconds. It keeps going, and whatever drops, curves, or flips come, I know that I'm kept in the arms of a Father who calls me His.
I challenge you, give up control, trust Him, and get out of the lines and on the roller coaster. You won't regret it.