Ladies, I've been told we are too needy...
Shortly after reading that, a good girl friend of mine casually tells us girls that the guys in our community told her they would never date any girls from our home church because in short, we all were too needy.
I was frustrated when I read the article from Relevant and then straight up offended when I heard that my community of men who I respect, would put every woman in the same bucket of 'needy'. Like many of you, I said outloud statements of defense. But, being the internal processor I am, I eventually began to realize that as much as my flesh wants to defend myself and women everywhere, (especially my circle of friends,) and say 'these guys have it all wrong,' I decided to evaluate where they have it right in me and us 'Single Christian Women' as a whole.
So without further adue, I give you a post in response to all the articles and chatter about us needy women.
A couple of weeks ago I heard a sermon where the pastor spoke about how God embodies the characteristics completely of both man and woman. That He is both tender, soft, emotional and nurturing, yet brave, bold, and commanding all at once. He even took things further to say that man and woman are given the opportunity to fully understand the character of God only through marriage. Because marriage gives us this full picture of who God is by us living as one in the covenant of marriage, male and female.
So as a woman, we are created as these tender hearted, soft, emotional, and compassionate creatures. Although some feminist fight it, scripture shows us that women are called to follow and submit to the authority of men. God even illustrates this by creating women with a smaller frame than men and overall, less physical stegnth. God also created us with this 'need' for a man to help us, guide us, and protect us through this life. I know not everyone is afforded this, but I have grown up with a daddy who has loved and proteced me every single day of my life. I can't quite explain how or why, but when I'm with daddy, I feel safe, it doesn't matter where we are, what we are doing, how safe or unsafe, knowing that he is just there, gives me this peace and assurance. In the same way as we live our lives and leave our father and mother, we eventually will join together as one with our husbands, our husband will then take on that role. But only when we enter into that covenant are we called to cleave to him. Let me say that again, only when we enter into that covenant relationship, are we called to cleave to a man.
Let me break it down for you even further ladies. Men think we are too needy and clingy because we put so much expectation and hope into a guy when he ask us out. They think we will take it as, 'this is the last, first date of my life' and they think we will begin to cling to them before they are even sure if we are 'the one' for them. They just want to get to know us. They think that we will begin to look to them for all support, care, and protection too soon and if we are honest with ourselves, we can't argue this because we do it.
So what do we do ladies? How do we combat this ever prevelant stigma that we are too needy, too clingy, too much, have too much expectation in a relationship, etc etc.
We continue to evaluate ourselves and ask ourselves the only question worth asking. We ask it daily. Whether we are single, dating, in a relationship, or even married. We should daily be asking ourselves this:
"God am I satisfied in you today, or am I looking to meet this 'need' in someone else.' 'Father show me how and where I am being too needy of man, and not needy enough of you.'
The reality is that there is absolutely nothing on this earth that we can attain that will ever come close to the Glory of God. To know him more, to be satisfied fully in Him. Not a boyfriend, not a husband, not children. None of those good things come close to the Glory of God, and living a life in submission to Him. I pray for the day where I hear a man say, 'We won't date any girls in our church right now becuase they are so needy of Christ, that I need to know Him more in order to lead her well.'
Ladies, we cannot control what others say or think of us, but we can daily evluate ourselves and ask how we are living a life in need of Christ, in pursuit of Christ, and becoming more like Him. After all, He embodies both male and female, and He far exceeds any expections we can have on any human man.
So I leave you with this as a gauge of how you know you are growing. Put on Love. Put on love when you want to snap back and defend yourself. Put on love when you want to throw in the towel and give up. Daily ask yourself if you can replace your name in this scripture below, and if you pursue that my friend, I assure you that any negative opinion of you will be quickly proved otherwise when men can see your Good Works and glorify God.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy or boast. Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way. Love is not irritable or resentful. Love does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things. Love believes all things. Loves hopes all things. Love endures all things. Love never ends.