Denying Myself


It's Wednesday, the sun has finally decided to break through the grey, foggy skies here in Dallas and it's warm enough that I don't need a scarf but cold enough for a light jacket. I'm sitting at a spot I discovered just a week ago where the coffee and loose leaf tea flow like milk and honey. I'm enjoying a nice mint green tea and am sitting next to brother and sister from Ohio, Max and Laura, who are spending the holiday with friends over a potluck. Naturally I know this because I love to talk. It's a great day to be alive.

I don't have to state the obvious that it's been a while since I've sat and typed on these keys to talk about this crazy thing called life, but yes it's very long overdue.

Lately I've been giving a lot of thought to life after death. Thought to eternity and what that will look like. Not what today looks like, but what the next 10,000 years will look like. Will anyone remember me here? Will my grandchildren's, children's children talk about me?

The reality is I can take nothing here on earth with me when I go, I know that.

The reality is that my time is probably around 80 years here and I'm over a quarter of the way there. I know that.

The reality that I am not being intentional enough right now is piercing.

I have a new job, a job I don't deserve, working for a boss that is beyond better than I imagined, and co-workers that I would literally do anything for. Seriously, anyone would be honored and beyond blessed to be where I am at. According to the worlds standards, I've got it going on, I've got nothing to worry about or nothing to complain about. But according to a stranger I met at a church I visited a couple of weeks ago, I've got an idol. The thought of giving up this job to do something less glamorous and quite frankly eternal scares the life out of me. To not have the financial freedom I have right now, and actually have to make a budget is a thought that hasn't crossed my mind in years. This job is my security, it enables me to not rely on The Lord for much of anything because I can provide it for myself.

Recently I had the privilege of hearing Dr. Mac Pier speak. He has been doing ministry with Tim Keller for 20+ years. But that isn't what makes him impressive. What makes him amazing is his story. He and his wife have lived a life like Abraham. Going places and doing things The Lord has called them to, and sometimes walking blindly not knowing where he has called them. His life experiences have given him wisdom that I want to soak in every time I hear him speak. He said something recently that has been haunting my every thought.

"Sometimes we have to give up things we can never keep to gain what we could never lose"

"Sometimes we have to give up THINGS we can never keep to GAIN what we could never LOSE."

Soak that in.

For the first time last night I got to hear Denton Bible Pastor, Tom Nelson speak. I love that man, let me just say that. But he said something as well that is echoing Mac's words in my mind and heart today.

"You cannot take anything with you to the Kingdom when you enter, BUT you can take a soul."

You can take a SOUL with you.

Let that soak in.

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits his soul?"

The Lord in his great mercy, grace, and relentless love for me has opened my eyes. He has shown me this idol in my job, and is giving me a chance now at 25, not 55 to change things. To give up something I can never keep to gain what I can never lose.

So what does that look like? I don't know yet. It definitely looks like sitting down next to Laura and Max and hearing their stories, learning about who they are and telling them about this guy named Jesus who has wrecked my life. It looks like investing in people more and not being afraid to follow where He may call me next.

Stay tuned,  I have a feeling miraculous things are to come. =]


JOURNAL, MinistryMonica Zuniga